What is the Cockney Slang for Toilet?

Cockney slang for toilet

Toilet, john, little boy’s room, bathroom. The way we describe toilets around the world is full of invention of humour. Toilet humour, of course!

But here in London we have some specific ways to refer to the water closet. Some of the ways belong to London’s own cockney rhyming slang, where there a rhyme between the word and the slang. You can find out all about how this works here.

But we’ve gone one step further and put together a list of all the ways that Londoners (especially cockneys) refer to the crapper.

So if you’re from London and want to round out your local knowledge, or you’re going to pay a visit to The Smoke sometime soon, you’re in the right place to find out how to ask where the ladies or gents is.

Before we jump into the cockney rhyming slang words for toilet, we need to find out the general slang ways Brits talk about the toilet and going to the toilet. Because a lot of the rhyming slang rhymes with these already-slang words. So here we go.

In general London and cockney slang

These slang expressions might not fall into the category of cockney rhyming slang, but they are wonderful slang expressions nonetheless and you’ll hear them a lot around here, especially in London and the satellite towns.

Khazi (also carsey, karsy, kharsie)

Loo – the classic British way to say “toilet”.

Shitter – self-explanatory!

Bog – another classic British way to say “toilet”. Especially when the toilets are a bit filthy. We also use bogroll to mean toilet paper.

Toilet in cockney rhyming slang

Needless to say there are many ways to refer to the loo in Cockney rhyming slang.

Cat and DogBog
Spotty DogBog
Phileas FoggBog
Kermit the FrogBog
Boss HoggBog
Watford GapCrap
Horse and TrapCrap
Harry RedknappCrap
Pony and TrapCrap
Jimmy RiddlePiddle
Nelson RiddlePiddle
MacaroniPony (crap)
Eartha KittShit
Mary WhitehouseShitehouse
Ronson LighterShiter (toilet)
Kitty LitterShitter
Gary GlitterShitter
Rick WitterShitter
Spam FritterShitter
Tex RitterShitter
Council GritterShitter
Johnny CashSlash
Pie and MashSlash
Pat CashSlash
Sausage and MashSlash

To have a Johnny Cash means to have a slash (that’s to have a pee).

Mary Whitehouse means shitehouse.

Pony and trap (always shortened to just pony) is crap. This isn’t usually used in the going-to-the-toilet sense, though. It’s normally just used a way to say something is rubbish.

Following on from this, maca means macaroni, in other words pony. We have also had quite a few readers suggest Marconi as well.

Watford Gap means crap. Watford Gap is a place north of London which has a famous motorway service station.

Von Trapp means crap. Maybe somebody heard the Sound of Music coming from the khazi one day.

Horse and trap means crap. A lesser-known version of pony and trap.

Frank Zappa means crapper. The late Frank Zappa might have seen the humour in having his name rhymed with toilet, as he was quite the aficionado of all things base and filthy.

To have a Donald Trump is to have a dump.

To have an Eartha Kitt is, well, you know. You might also get a case of the Eartha Kitts.

More toilet-related fun!

To break the seal is the first visit to the toilet during a drinking session. Have you noticed that you can be drinking beer for a couple of hours before needing to “go” but once you’ve gone once, you’ll be peeing all night. You’ve broken the seal!

To powder one’s nose is to pay a visit to the lav. Especially used by women because it’s a euphemistic phrase dating from the times when women really did powder their noses. Nothing to do with snorting illicit substances, by the way.

To spend a penny. Again this means to pay a visit to the loo. It dates from the days when it cost 1p to use a public lavatory. More like 50p nowadays, or even a quid in some railway stations.

Cottaging is gay slang all about hanging around public toilets awaiting a pickup.

Toilet

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