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English to Slang letter P

Paddy Tea Caddy

Paedophile (from the TV series South Park) Cousin Kyle

Pager John Major

Pain Michael Caine

Pain Frasier Crane
He's a right Frasier

Pakistani Bacon Sarnie

Pants Adam and the Ants

Pants Adam and the Ants

Pants Insects and Ants

Pants Pirates Of Penzance

Paper (newspaper) Linen Draper

Para (paranoid) Bow and Arra
You look bow and arra

Pardon Osama bin Laden
Beg your Osama

Park Noah's Ark

Park Plimsoll Mark

Park Light and Dark

Parka (jacket) Neil Sedaka

Parky (cold) David Starkey
It's a bit David oot mate!

Party Hale and hearty
Come to my hale and hearty

Party Moriarty

Party Russell Harty

Party Todd Carty
We're 'avin a bit of a Todd Carty (Todd Carty plays Mark Fowler in Eastenders)

Pawn (in-pawn) Bullock's Horn

PC Plod (policeman) Fishing Rod
Watch out theres a Fishin' Rod over there.

Peas On Your Knees

Peck (of food) Tooting Bec
I'm feeling a bit Tooting Beckish

Pee Jet Li

Pee Ken Smee

Pee C'est La Vie
Oi garcon, je require un C'est La Vie.

Pee Bruce Lee

Pee Ali G
I need an Ali G

Peelers (police) Pittsburgh Steelers

Pen Layin Hen

Pen Bill and Ben
Where's my Bill and Ben.

Penalty Fare Cherie Blair
I jumped of the tube and got Cheried

Penny Abergavenny

Penny Kilkenny

Pension Shawshank Redemption

Perv Optic Nerve

Perv (look at girls) Dodge And Swerve
Going down to the Nuclear Sub for a bit of a Dodge?

Phat Roland Rat
That is well Roland Rat

Philharmonic Tonic

Phone Trombone

Phone Nina Simone
Stop rabbitting on the Nina and put the Frank Skinner on woman

Phone Sharone Stone
No worries china give us buzz on the Sharon.

Phone Strawberry Rhone

Phone Joey Ramone

Phone Molly Malone

Phone Dog and Bone
Who's that on the Dog and Bone then?

Phone Herring Bone

Phone Jelly Bone
Aw me Jelly's vibrating

Piano Joanna
Get on the old Joanna, and let's have a good old ding dong!

Pickles Harvey Nichols

Pictures Dolly Mixtures

Pictures Fleas and Itches
I'm off to the Fleas and Itches.

Piddle (urinate) Lauren Riddle
Jus goin for a Lauren Riddle

Piddle (urinate) Jimmy Riddle

Piddle (urinate) Jimmy Riddle

Piddle (urinate) Malcolm in the Middle
I'm going for a Malcolm, mate...

Pie Isle of Skye
I'd like some Isle of Skye.

Piece (lunch) Merlyn Rees

Piles Shetland Isles

Piles Nobby Stiles

Piles Pllymouth Argylles

Piles Plymouth Argylls
Ooh me Plymouth Argylls are griping today!

Piles Jeremy Kyles
I've got the Jeremy Kyles.

Piles Farmer Giles

Piles (haemorrhoids) Chalfonts St. Giles
Ooh, me Chalfonts are givin' me gyp!

Piles (hemorrhoids) Duke of Argyles

Piles (hemorrhoids) Metric Miles

Piles (hemorrhoids) Judith Chalmers
Blimey, I've got a nasty case of the Judiths

Pill Jimmy Hill

Pill Harry Hill
Are you on the Harry Hill darling?

Pill Jack and Jill
Me girlfriend's on the Jack and Jill at last

Pillow Weeping Willow

Pills Benny Hills
I'm gonna get Benny'd up.

Pin Huckleberry Finn
There are ten Huckleberry Finns per frame.

Pinch (steal) Half Inch
Someone's 'Alf Inched me wallet!

Pinch (steal) Half Inch
My motor's just been 'alf inched!

Pint of Ale Ship Full Sail
Let's have a Ship.

Pint of Stella Nelson
Nelson Mandela

Pint of Stella Uri Gella
Get us a pint of Uri.

Pipe Cherry Ripe

Pistol Lady From Bristol

Pistol Lady of Bristol

Pitch (stall or stand) Hedge and Ditch

Pizza Omar Riza
Give us a slice of that Omar

Place Drum and Bass

Plan Jackie Chan
I've a Jackie

Plan Manfred Mann

Plant Eddy Grant
I think there's an Eddie Grant on (while playing snooker)

Plants Uncles and Aunts
Just had to dirty daughter me uncles and aunts

Please Hairy Knees

Pleb Alexander Hleb
"I'm sorry. I made a complete Alexander Hleb of myself last night"

Pleb Spider's web

Plonker Willy Wonka

Pocket Davey Crocket
Take ya hands out ya Davey!

Pocket Davy Crockett

Pocket Lucy Locket

Pocket Sky Rocket

Pole (as in Polish citizen). Used (allegedly) during WW2. Jam Roll
He's a Jam Role!

Pole (Polish person) Swiss Roll

Pom To and From

Ponce Charlie Ronce

Ponce Alphonse

Poo Betty Boo
Where's the lav, I need a Betty!

Poo Efan Ekuku

Poo Four by Two
I'm busting for a Four by Two

Pools (the pools) April Fools

Poor On the Floor

Poorly Sue Lawley
I'm feeling a bit Sue Lawley

Pope Bar o' Soap
The Bar o'Soap's lookin' a bit Jack & Jill, innee?

Pork Dwight Yorke

Porker Native New Yorker
Cos, 'e's a bit of an Native New Yorker innee

Porn Johhny Vaughan

Porn Franky Vaughan
Watching a Franky Vaughan tonight?

Porn Goldie Hawn
Just havin' a flick thru me Goldie.

Portuguese Pork And Cheese
He's Pork And Cheese - he's Portuguese

Post Sunday Roast

Post Beans on Toast
Hit it off the Beans on Toast

Post Beans on Toast
My penalty hit the beans

Poster Roller Coaster

Potato Spanish Waiter
Go down the greengrocers and buy a dozen nice Spanish Waiters.

Pound (currency) Sov

Pound (currency) Quid

Pound (currency) Plymouth Sound

Powder (cocaine) Nicky Lauder
Can you get me a gram of Nicky?

Pox Nervo and Knox

Pox Surrey Docks

Pox Surries (Surrey Docks)
Stay away she's got the Surries

Pox Band in the Box

Prat Paper Hat

Prayer Weaver's Chair
You 'aven't got a weavers!

Preggers (pregnant) Keith Cheggers
Are you Keith Cheggers?

Preggers/pregnant Keith Cheggars
Is she Keith Cheggars or just a bit on the old fat side?

Price Anekka Rice
Paid a right good Anakke Rice for this motor.

Price Condoleezza Rice
Check the Condoleezza Rice on that item

Priest Bag of Yeast

Priest Far East

Priest Dirty Beast

Printer Alan Minter
Looks like the paper has got jammed in the Alan again !

Printer Bernie Winter

Prison Boom and Mizzen

Pruno (prison liquor) San Bruno
That bloke is brewing San Bruno in his cell!

Pub Rub-A-Dub
Fancy the Rubber?

Pub Nuclear Sub

Pub Bath Tub
Jus goin dahn the Bath for a couple o' Pigs'.

Pub Wormwood Scrubs
Comin down the Wormwood Scrubs?

Puff Brian Clough
Got any Brian on ya.

Puff (breath, life) Nelly Duff
Not on your Nelly!

Punter Billy Bunter
Get your finger out there's a queue of Billy Bunters.

Punters Hillman Hunters

Pyjamas Barack Obama
Go put your Barackas, eh?

Pyjamas Simon Schamas
Me grandad's only gone down the quack's in his Simons

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